Dept. of Mildly Inconvenient Superpowers
“With great power comes… small annoyances.”
Status: Underwhelmingly Operational
Officially Unofficial Bureau of questionable abilities

Unlock your inner almost-superhero.

Forget flying and invisibility. We specialize in superpowers that are technically impressive, but practically useless. Perfect for meetings, awkward small talk, and avoiding your real responsibilities.

0% responsibility • 100% commitment to the bit
📝 Certified by the International League of Mildly Confused Heroes
📚 Official Power Catalog (abridged)
A few examples from our proud history of baffling abilities.
CLASS: Social Harmless
Perfectly Timed But Useless Facts
You can instantly recall a hyper-specific fact about any topic… but only at moments when it’s completely irrelevant to the conversation.
Side effect: People think you’re buffering. Success rate: 97% awkward silence.
CLASS: Temporal Questionable
Micro-Time Travel (5 seconds, forward only)
You can jump exactly 5 seconds into the future. Fantastic for skipping unfunny punchlines and waiting for the microwave. Useless for literally anything dramatic.
Warning: Still responsible for rent. Coolness: 2/10 • Convenience: 11/10
CLASS: Culinary Chaotic
Instantly Soggy Cereal
With a single blink, you can turn any bowl of cereal into that strange, disappointing texture it usually takes 7 minutes to reach.
Recommended for: Villains, probably. Approved uses: 0 (morally speaking)
🖥️ HQ Incident Log (Definitely Not Surveillance)
Randomly generated “events” based on absolutely no real tracking whatsoever.
System mode: making things up in real time
New entries appear every few seconds. None of them are your fault. Probably.
Meanwhile, our analytics department* is hard at work:
  • Estimating how many tabs you opened “just for a second”.
  • Calculating your “I’ll start in 5 minutes” loop count.
  • Measuring how often you stare at buttons before clicking them.

*The analytics department is one very tired raccoon with a spreadsheet.

🧠 Mildly Scientific Assessment
A rigorous personality test designed in roughly three minutes.
How do you usually handle a small, everyday inconvenience?
Example: you pour cereal before realizing there’s no milk, the Wi-Fi blinks for 0.4 seconds, or you sit down and immediately remember something in another room.
A
I calmly accept my fate and quietly become one with the chaos.
B
I narrate the situation out loud like I’m in a documentary.
C
I dramatically sigh, then continue doing exactly what I was doing.
D
I immediately turn it into a meme or send someone a 3–5 business paragraph rant.
📋 Apply for Hero Status
The form doesn’t actually go anywhere. The emotional journey does.

Fill this out if you believe you already possess a mildly inconvenient superpower. Self-diagnosis is encouraged and absolutely not medically reviewed.

What happens next?
  1. Your application is stored locally in your browser.
  2. You instantly gain imaginary membership status.
  3. You are legally* allowed to blame your power for minor chaos.

*By “legally” we mean “in the court of vibes,” which is unfortunately not recognized in most countries.